FINALLY

Pio and I broke up. (at least, that's what I thought. But there's no confirmation. lol) I haven't contacted him ever since but he still keeps on texting me like nothing's happened. For days, luckily, I've been too busy taking care of Eros and doing mommy-chores that I haven't thought of him. Unlike before when only thinking about him makes my heart ache. And it goes on for hours, and because of him and my thoughts, everyday was a depression. 

I realized now that nothing's ever going to change and improve if I'd just think of him and love. I realized that I have a new life now with Eros. That my son is my life now, my world revolves around him now.

I know, for the 3 years Pio and I were together, I made him my world and whenever he's gone he would always take my heart with him. Possessive and selfish and sinful I've became for that 3 years... I made my whole life a living shame. Self-respect, self-esteem, positive disposition... all's gone. 

It's so hard to build a new life and bring back what I have lost. 

But for the sake of Eros (and my maturing age. hahaha) I would do everything RIGHT. For the two of us.

Anyway, I talked to Pio yesterday. And I'm surprised that I haven't sensed any hatred and heartache on my part. I felt calmness and joy in just talking to him like that; casual and friendly. He listened while I'm talking to Eros, laughed when Eros would squeal and laugh and babble, and I would listen to everything he have to say. A friendly chat. And that's all there is. I cannot let myself HATE again and be that monster he made me. 

It's Christmas time anyway. It's time for my soul to have peace. At least for the holidays. And then when New Year comes, I'll be a better mother. A better person. With plans. With a bright future.

I admit, I'm still hoping for a HAPPY-EVER-AFTER for the 3 of us. But I can't expect and force that to happen soon. It's all in God's hands now. 

And I know now that God would give all of us the happy-ever-after that we deserve.