back with revenge

What's the use of the golden rule "do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you" KUNG MALI ANG GUMANTI? 

So basically, if I would follow Confucius' golden rule, what I'm doing/what I would DO is RIGHT. In my case, the rule is in the negative form. Revenge.

A single thought fired up my paranoia. Hatred got the better of me, AGAIN. And the pasts keeps on coming back, over and over in my head. I'm going crazy again. (deadly)
And my hard-earned positive disposition (especially made just for the holidays) vanished into thin air. 

Lintik lang ang walang ganti. 
I swear, someday, soon, Revenge is mine. And I'll make it last. I'll make it sweet.

For the 2 persons who made my life hell:
• Pio. I swear. you would feel what I felt when you did those mistakes. 
• For you bitch. even more. I can't imagine my hatred for you. And you'll pay for it. Even if I die because of it.


Pio and I broke up. (at least, that's what I thought. But there's no confirmation. lol) I haven't contacted him ever since but he still keeps on texting me like nothing's happened. For days, luckily, I've been too busy taking care of Eros and doing mommy-chores that I haven't thought of him. Unlike before when only thinking about him makes my heart ache. And it goes on for hours, and because of him and my thoughts, everyday was a depression. 

I realized now that nothing's ever going to change and improve if I'd just think of him and love. I realized that I have a new life now with Eros. That my son is my life now, my world revolves around him now.
I know, for the 3 years Pio and I were together, I made him my world and whenever he's gone he would always take my heart with him. Possessive and selfish and sinful I've became for that 3 years... I made my whole life a living shame. Self-respect, self-esteem, positive disposition... all's gone. 

It's so hard to build a new life and bring back what I have lost. 
But for the sake of Eros (and my maturing age. hahaha) I would do everything RIGHT. For the two of us.

Anyway, I talked to Pio yesterday. And I'm surprised that I haven't sensed any hatred and heartache on my part. I felt calmness and joy in just talking to him like that; casual and friendly. He listened while I'm talking to Eros, laughed when Eros would squeal and laugh and babble, and I would listen to everything he have to say. A friendly chat. And that's all there is. I cannot let myself HATE again and be that monster he made me. 
It's Christmas time anyway. It's time for my soul to have peace. At least for the holidays. And then when New Year comes, I'll be a better mother. A better person. With plans. With a bright future.

I admit, I'm still hoping for a HAPPY-EVER-AFTER for the 3 of us. But I can't expect and force that to happen soon. It's all in God's hands now. 
And I know now that God would give all of us the happy-ever-after that we deserve. 


☺ for Christmas & New Year

I don't know if my plan of going HOME to celebrate the holidays IS a good idea. First, I'm still not good in handling money & budgeting. Second, I have so many plans (all of them not practical and very costly). Third, I think I would compromise Eros's needs for my wants and impulsiveness.
Besides, I still don't know if I would HAVE that lots-of-money. I might ruin my plans for the holidays because of that assumption. Anyway, come what may, I WILL GO HOME. 
I need to unwind. I need to be HAPPY.

Eros Alekin at 6 months

arrrggh! mama is FORCING me to seat alone!!
but I still can't. see that?!

Mama found a treasure!
My uncles had these books long before mama was born!
Sesame Street Finding Out A-Z Encyclopedia of my grown up uncles! 
A bit old and dusty, but really... nothing beats a good book!
(that is, if I would stop munching on them. lol)
It would be a great help to my development.


What's with the big, open-mouthed drama?
guess what, I already have 2 lower teeth!
Well, you can't see them coz of the cam's flash... but you could look closer. LOL


2nd day without our mama Ikay.... *sigh*
2nd day of a stressful 24/7 mommy duties.
For the first time I felt ALL the hardships of being a single parent.

At least, there's my baby ♥Eros. ^_^
And we're much more CLOSER than ever.

 I'm contented. I'm single. I know what I want. I love my son.
I already have plans for the both of us.
At last, I'm a HAPPY mommy.

nostalgia with a friend

So, History repeats itself.
And even if how hard you try,
you can never erase the hurt 
the PAST gave you.
And forever, you'll gonna suffer
for all the right decisions
that you never chose.

Big Deal (part 1) Pio accidentally read this JOKE thing between me and my beloved former classmate/friend. And the rest is bullshit.