Unplanned pregnancy, unfinished schooling, irresponsible boyfriend, poverty, and an idealistic and perfectionist family. What's next? It's NEVER been good to feel like what I'm feeling everyday since a year ago when my life turned a drastic change. To feel like my teenage life is suddenly stolen from me and I don't anymore have a right to enjoy acting and doing stupid things a kid is entitled to do. Maybe that's the price of having most of my teenage life 'under my control' and not my parent's. Then, for 3 years in college I've been away from home and living in a boarding house where i OWN my time and I could do anything I wanted. Everything happened in a blur. I haven't got the chance of THINKING about possibilities of me being in a wrong situation, in a wrong place, and in a wrong time. I experienced it all. Those bad influences... etc. And even having that much money monthly is HEAVEN. I took everything for granted. Selfishness of moi. I'm such a stupid kid on her way to adulthood. And then, I've gotten myself pregnant. And all hell broke loose. Until now.
Everything happened so fast, my mom died, (and all my life i would regret whatever I have done to cause her so much "sama ng loob"). And i SWEAR TO MY MOTHER's GRAVE that "THAT" person would pay for the super pain that "she" caused to my mom months before she died. I would never forget how HATE still consumes me (even now) whenever I remember that "bitch" who attacked me while I was 9 months pregnant and the way she did it in front of my sick mother. I didn't know disrespect could do so much harm especially when other people do it to my own mother.
I know because of teenage angst, I've been disrespectful to my mom also. But I would pay for it, someday, I'd pay it with success.
Anyway, now that my mother's dead, I feel like the "help" she would always give to that family is now my "responsibility". I've been receiving text messages asking me money for their kid's tuition fees, bills, and necessities... etc. And I, with the desire to see my little cousins finish school and blah blah, would always promise to give what i can, even if I'm so "gipit to death narin" because I have my own son to feed. And primarily because I'm a jobless teenage mom who depends on my father's humble padala monthly. (Christ, but I'm even a "palamunin" in my relatives house). The LESSON that I would like to instill to the parents of my little cousins is that, AS PARENTS, THEY HAVE THE OBLIGATION TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR THEIR CHILDREN, AND NOT DEPEND ON OTHER PEOPLE. In their case, there's no room for shyness. For God's sake, they're old enough to find a job and even "make" a business for their family to move on.
I'm currently planning to save and make them a family "business" that they would take care so that they wouldn't be asking people for money for their children. And that's the last thing I could do for them. They should strive to make my planned business a success.
Well, I'm a bit idealistic also, and whatever is happening right now in this "new life" of mine, I'ts a START. I have so much plan and I decided to take everything seriously from now on. For me and Eros's FUTURE. In 2 months time, I've no reason to act like a stupid kid again, because I'll be 20. getting ready for maturity to kick in. *cheers*
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