woah. woah.woah.
that's quite a LOT. geez.
don't know if i should be proud of myself or not. hmm.. wala lang. i can't sleep today (3am) dahil sa lintik na coffee na yun.
hay nako. wala kong masabi. bakit kaya naging ganito buhay ko.. i might be really crazy. para hayaan na maging ganito buhay ko. hehe. mula ng dumating si pio.
(flashback...flashback...flashback...)
2007. weeks after HS graduation. ilan taon palang ba 'ko non? (16 o 17..?ewan na..nakakalito magbilang ng months at edad.)
at home. doing nothing. uso pa kasi yung textmates noon diba..at "eyebol"..hehe..wala lang. ayun.
(shet. pag naaalala ko mga panahong yun, natatawa na lang ako sa sarili ko. stupid.) pero dahil bata pa ko noon i have a right to stupidity. hehe..tugshing..sapol. lupet ng excuse ko. so lame. sa ngayon kasi 16 or 17's not that young and stupid anymore. But i am. WAS. c: maybe some of you, WAS.
ayun nga. may 1, 2007. im doing nothing but text my idiot textmates when the phone rang. the PHONE RANG. (tama ba grammar ko? 'till now medyo lito pa ko sa mga verbs eh.) anyway,
ME: hello? (boses pusa pako non.husky.meow.:])
BOY: hello...ako c P..birthday ko ngayon. c:
ME: ha? ah.. ok.. hapi birthday.. (sa isip-isip ko lang gago to ah, kapal ng face. fc? close? di ko nman nga sya kilala. pero shet, ganda ng boses. makes my toes curl ang ganda ng boses nya.)
BOY: thank you. ah. ganda naman ng boses mo..etc. etc.
that's the start. weee. kabaduyan noh? haha. phone pal ba naman ang trip. pang-80's.
noon kasi, masyado pa ko mahiyain..insecure kasi ako eh. kasi ako's isang dakilang panget. kaya nga di ako nakikipag-eyebol eh. lolz.
tska isa ako noon sa mga batang kinikilig sa mga textmate e. hahaha! kaya ayoko ng makita nila ako kasi i don't want anybody to be disappointed sa makikita nila.
so, anyway, itong si P. nun umpisa pa lang ayoko na ng ugali. mapapansin mo sa kanya pagka-mayabang nya. and i never believed in him. first impression: bolero, babaero, sinungaling, at isang tipikal na lalake. nagalit ako for the sake of his gf that time kasi loko sya! makipag-kirz ba naman. taz ang malala sa akin pa. inisip ko non na ay wala to, di tatagal tong friendship na to. babaero eh. i hate every one of them. kasi nga insecure ako sa mga magagandang babae. (weird. i hate that behavior now) time passed by..naging madalas pag-uusap sa phone, text, phone. unti-unti na-dedelete na mga list ng textmates ko dahil na-focus na attention ko kay P. im getting fond of that beautiful voice. nagsimula nakong kiligin. when the phone rings, always alert. i dont know why we always talked at midnight til dawn. for hours. when the phone rings in the middle of the night while im asleep napapa-balikwas ako agad to get that call. kapay. c: and we talked for hours..hours..hours.. favorite topic: his beloved gf. aww. it's ok for me that time kasi haler, di pa naman kami, (why would i react badly to that, i have no right). pero paunti unti i started to be annoyed..started to get jealous..started to CRY.
start of my MARTYRDOM.
for months i feel like pwede nakong maging guidance councilor sa mga advices and encouragement na binibigay ko sa kanya eh, bout his gf. dont know where i got those pretty good advices cuz im still a N.B.S.B. hehehe.
he always call. when he's drunk. when he could not stand his supladang gf's tactics. when he needed someone to talk to bout his feelings.
ang lakas nya sakin. grabe. waking me up in the middle of the night to CRY and talk about his gf. there's that time when he said "i love you". he's drunk alright. and maybe he's not in the right mind. my helpless heart skip a beat when his beautiful voice said it. but sadly i have to give up the thought of accepting that phrase so carelessly said by him. happy. hurt.
the next day, it's as if nothing was said.
we continued to talk. bout that gf.
weeks passed. enrollment for college came. i remembered he even volunteered to come with me so we can see each other for the first time, but i declined. because of that stupid "im ugly he might be disappointed" thought.
weeks passed..1st day at Naga..1st day in my new dormitory.ist night to be lost in a new city to buy school supplies.1st giddy feelings...of excitement. wanderlust. freedom. 1st day of doom's days. (aww.heavy)
1st book i read on my 1st night alone in a strange city: A Walk to Remember by nicholas sparks. (aww.such a lovesick fool)
i can say that im soooo very innocent that time. young. innocent. stupid.
(forward..forward...)i haven't believed in him when he talked of how many times he and his gf went to almost all the hotels in the city cuz i believed that it only happens in movies and they can't possibly do that. hehehe..stupid. one time he asked me to help him on his gf. again. his plan was to make his gf come back and love him again. days passed. he called me. said he & his gf's together again. how? expensive hotel, petals on bed..everywhere, chocolates, and a ring. surprised gf cried. etc..etc...and there they go. happy again.
never believed that at first. im so happy for him. hurt.
hurt. i dont know how it happened really...:'(
i started to fall helplessly. hopelessly. in love with my friend.
time passed. dorm. 2minutes walk to school. 4minutes walk to the mall every other day after school to play at WOF. run when it rains. back to my dorm. and there goes my peaceful life. until i met P for the first time one night.anyway, kami na pala non..
simulan na ang digmaan. simulan na ang kahibangan. simulan na ang katakot-takot na kasuklaman. love. love. love. HATE a lot.
THE END.
(present.) 6 in the morning. sitting in front of the pc. sulking. di makatulog because of that damned coffee. alert for any signs that Eros needs my attention. wishing P is beside me.
bitin ba? tinatamad na kasi ako eh. next time na lang.
Pio made this ages ago.
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